co-parenting, is that hard?

Co-parenting? what is that? for you who has "a perfect family" hopefully will never experience this. I started to google it since April 2019. I never know and never want to experience this kind of parenting method. However, some sh%%$ happened and the show must go on. 

When you google "co-parenting", you will face several articles about it. Basically, co-parenting means you and your ex-spouse collaborate together to raise the kid, despite your hates and egos. And how to do it? the answer is I DON'T KNOW.

I just try not to fight or against your ex-spouse in front of your kid and pretend "everything is just fine". I try to explain the kid every night such as "Mommy and daddy can't get along together anymore, however, we still love you and want the best for you". I will allow my daughter if she wants to meet her dad and vice versa. On the other hand, especially in Indonesia, the "co-parenting" method is unusual. Therefore, you need to have an extra effort to ignore everyone else negative comments.

So, because I don't have any choice, I have to face it and looking for solutions to my situation.

I will always want the best for her, thus I try to figure out what the priority things to do in these situations:

1. First thing first check yourself, the hardest role is you have to be a good mom while you've been hurting so much. However, don't forget, we have God, try to pray, and ask for help. Based on my experience, it is better to discuss with the professional rather than your inner circle or even your family. Your family and friends will always on your side and feel your pain too. It may lead to an un-neutral opinion. 
2. Believe in yourself that you are strong enough to face it. Trust me, as long as you have goodwill, good things that will come along. I know deep inside, I don't want to see my ex but we have a daughter together, she is our responsibility. We as a parent have to keep solid in order to support our daughter in every way.
3. Don't take any revenge, it is the best thing to do. Just let it go, even it's hard. I know dear but we have to...Just remember if we are in a good term, we can be a good mother as well. Besides that, I have to remember her dad is her blood father. If bad things happen to the father of your kid, your kid will very sad as well.
4. Try to be an "okay mom", not too ambitious to your kid. I know we want our kids to be great in every aspect of their life. Although, it's okay to fail. we have to teach our kid "how fail can lead us to be stronger". This is one of the important lessons of my life. Honestly, I never fail in everything. But now, you may say I failed to keep my family stick together. I felt it too, but feeling fail is not make anything better. I need to get back and fight for my life. I put aside the egos for the sake of my kid. And Yes my family is already broken but I won't fail to raise my kid. That's my life goal. (wish me luck bismillah :))
5. Kid's education is our responsibility. We always cooperative when it turns to our daughter's education. In my opinion, when mom and dad are no longer together, it will make some gap for my daughter's emotional development. Therefore, Her education is the most important thing. We went to the interview together as a parent to support her. We believe that our daughter has good DNA for her intellectual but for emotional that's our big homework. We have to fill in the gap because of the divorce. Thus, we commit to doing everything for her. So we choose the best school with a nice environment, "no bullies" for sure, international and the Islamic principal base teaching methods.
6. Looking for my own happiness. I can find my happiness in many ways. I can do my hobbies such as yoga, painting, gardening. I always know what I want, so don't worry :D.

Yeahh that's things I try to do in applying co-parenting method but the key of all is "COMMUNICATION". Although you may wonder, "when you're together you can't communicate with your spouse and how you can communicate with your ex now?" the answer is honestly, our communication is getting better after the divorce. we only communicate for the sake of our daughter. I don't care about what he is doing now, as long as he still is there for my daughter is enough. 

I know everyone's situation may be different. My situation may not be applied to everyone. Hopefully, it expands your views and you can define your own solution on your problems.

See you, love

UKT